Staying Grounded

Perhaps if you are similar to me you also have to “ground” your transgender feelings.

Liz (left) and I during a night out.

Over the years it mainly meant I had to uncover my “collection” of feminine clothing and makeup then find the nearest mirror to examine my handiwork. The problem quickly became when I started to explore the world as my feminine self, I encountered many people who didn’t share the mirror’s idea of how I looked. It was after these occasions of being rejected I had to go back to the drawing board and attempt to ground myself again. Following quite a bit of error and trial, I finally achieved enough success to get by. Which was accompanied by a strict diet when I lost nearly fifty pounds.

As I progressed down my transgender journey, becoming grounded became more intricate. For example, when I advanced to the point of properly presenting myself as a feminine person, the time came to form a whole new personage. All too quickly it seemed people wanted to actually talk to me. Staying grounded while I learned to communicate as a woman was difficult. Especially when I began to understand the nuances of communication between the genders. After a day, or even part of a day, it was exceedingly difficult to adjust my grounding back to my non authentic male self. The stress of attempting to exist part time in both of the binary genders was intense and one I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

All of the stress finally led me to another suicide attempt and I decided to take the path which was more…