Member-only story
For as long as I can remember I have been a procrastinator. Unless I was really pressed, it was always easier for me to put off until tomorrow what I should have done today.
Later in life, being a procrastinator in my gender life came back to haunt me. As I continually gained ground in learning if I could exist in a feminine world, the more the pressure on me increased to decide what I was going to do with my life. Primarily effecting my already fragile mental condition. I had previously been diagnosed as Bi-Polar along with having elevated anxiety so I already had plenty to deal with mentally. So, I was not in any position to improve my mental condition by procrastinating over my transgender issues. Still I persisted and my problems only escalated.
I was frustrated when every success I found as a transgender woman, seemingly just led me to the ultimate decision I was having a problem facing. Was I ever going to be able to follow my dream and live as a woman. Plus, all my procrastination led me to was an increasing reliance on alcohol to limit the mental pain I was suffering. What happened was, the effects of alcohol gave me courage to explore further if I could make it in a feminine world as a full time trans woman. Was I gay, was I trans? I needed to know.
Finally, rational thinking took place and I could take it no longer. My gender truth was slowly but surely…
