Member-only story
First of all, let me contradict myself and use the term “presenting” instead of “passing”. I just think it is more appropriate because presenting describes more accurately what we are trying to achieve. By saying I was trying to “pass”, I was just trying to fool someone into thinking I was a woman. By presenting, I was seeking to show an authentic look at my inner feminine self.
Whatever I referred to it as, the fact remained I was obsessed with doing it. I wish I had back a fraction of the time I wasted admiring all other women and wondering if or how I could ever look the same. What happened was I grew more and more frustrated with my results when I cross dressed and tried to admire myself in the mirror. The only relief I received was when the mirror lied to me and told me I was an attractive woman. The relief was short lived and very soon I was a very difficult person to live with as my gender frustrations increased.
Very slowly and with a huge amount of effort, I was able to better learn the artform of makeup and which clothes actually flattered my male body. Even still, it took me years and years to get to the point when I could concentrate on being my authentic self rather than looking like a person I wanted to be. Nothing changed until the wonderful evening when I finally decided what I was trying to do or go with my life. By this time I was seriously considering I was more…
