Member-only story
After all these years I still receive the comment of why I chose to leave my male gender behind and pursue transgender womanhood.
Ironically, very few people removed from the transgender umbrella understand I never had a choice and spent nearly fifty years figuring it all out. Sure, there were brief moments of gender clarity which somehow, I refused to recognize. Then, as the years rolled by, I kept accumulating male baggage which became more and more difficult to consider leaving behind. Examples would be family, friends and jobs which being masculine depended on success. I was caught between having success as a male in a world I never really wanted. For the longest time, every time I was successful at something as a man, I fantasized if I could do it as a transgender woman. A stop gap measure which in the end just caused me more frustration.
Plus, eventually, frustration turned into more gender pressure. The whole process turned me into a very self-destructive person. Along the way, I tried to tear down all the male successes I had built up. I drank too much, drove too recklessly and even tried suicide as a final solution to my gender pain. Finally, before it was too late, I realized my error. I never had a gender choice and attempting to live even a partial life as a male was a waste of time.
