Member-only story
Back in the so-called simpler days when I was growing up, putting on a dress, adding makeup and acting like a girl was quite the rush. The mirror meant everything to me and I couldn’t wait to show myself out to it again and again.
It took me awhile to grasp the idea I wanted to do and be more than just a girl in the mirror. I wanted to be the girl. It was my earliest fundamental idea I was so much more than just a casual cross dresser, if the knowledge had been available to me, I would have labeled myself as transgender or at the least gender fluid. Bottom line is however you want to label me, the whole process was so much larger than I was.
From that point on, anything I did in life was predicated on my gender dysphoria. Each person I decided to establish a friendship with, I needed to wonder if they would ever accept the feminine side of me. The whole process led me to be very standoffish with most strangers and developed very few close friends. Of course the idea of marriage became a huge obstacle. I knew I wanted female companionship but did not know if marriage could ever be possible for me. The end result to any relationship could ultimately finish because of my gender issues which made me wary of knowing anyone.
Eventually, I was able to work around many of my gender issues and my world broke open once I was in the military. It was there I met my…
