Member-only story
When asked when I first realized I had issues with my gender I began to tell the truth and say I had known forever.
In fact, my statements were only partially true. I knew something was wrong with me, but I did not know exactly what. When I was young, I knew how much pleasure I received when I dressed as a girl. What I was lacking was the knowledge of how much harmony I was missing by learning the aspects of living in two genders.
Over a long space in time of nearly fifty years, my male and female selves battled it out, which naturally created huge disruptions in my life. My already frail mental health was in shambles most of the time. Since I had already been diagnosed as being bi-polar by a therapist before, my gender issues seemed to be a bigger problem. In reality, both issues were working together to make my life miserable before I took action and did something about it.
I started with the easier one, my bi-polar condition. After I tried several medications, I found the right ones which I am still taking to this day. The much more difficult of the two issues destroying my inner harmony was my issue with my gender. Had I listened to my first therapist years ago when she told me there was nothing, she could do with me wanting to be a woman, I would have been better off. Maybe I would have been able to relax more with my issues and…
