Confidence in Question

JJ Hart
3 min readFeb 1, 2022

Mark wrote in and asked a relevant question concerning the post on “Confidence”:

“So well done for talking about this .how have you coped/managed using toilets …around town and with friends at a meeting or work, Mark.x”

Sometimes I think I could write forever on my restroom experiences so forgive me if I repeat some you may have read before.

Very early in my days of trying the world as a novice transgender woman, I wasn’t very successful in my need to use the proper restroom which matched my authentic gender. On a couple occasions in the sports bars I frequented I was called a pervert, kicked out of one place and even had the police called on me in another. Through it all, I was able to find venues who supported me completely while at the same time my feminine presentation became better. As far as work went Mark, I had retired by the time I became serious about completing my transition.

It’s interesting to me I still have a picture of the first women’s room I used when I began going out. (above)

It’s also important to point out I never stopped using the women’s room, no matter what happened. The only exceptions were the lesbian bars I went to. In several of them, plus a few gay venues, the privilege’s of using the “room” were abused by gay guys and/or cross dressers and were revoked by signs saying “Real Women Only.”

I will add also Mark, for many years now I have not had any problems using the correct (women’s) restroom. I think the most recent was several years ago when Liz and I were headed on a bus trip to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. The bus stopped on the Alabama/Mississippi state line at a road side rest stop. Needless to say I was not thrilled with the prospect of waiting in line with ten or fifteen other women in a foul smelling restroom but I knew I couldn’t hold my business until the next stop. I finally made it into a stall and when I left I ran straight into two women glaring at me while they waited. I hoped they were just mad because they waited but my restroom paranoia told me it was so much more so I quickly washed up and headed back to the safety of the bus.

Photo by Robert Thiemann on Unsplash
As I said, the only other times I have even been in a men’s restroom in the past twenty years were a couple of times during drag shows when there were ridiculous lines of women waiting to go…real or not. I used the men’s room and laughed at all of those still waiting.

So Mark theses are just a very few of my restroom experiences. As I said over the years I don’t think of having any problems using the restroom but then again, there probably isn’t a time my past doesn’t haunt me.

FYI, transgender women are real women and these days I would not back down.

JJ Hart

Thanks for stopping by! I am a married Transgender veteran author and blogger. I write in the hope of helping others with similar gender dysphoria